I do dabble a little:
Typical morning; sit down to write. Open manuscript. Just check social medial accounts.
Click onto browser and scroll down to find pictures of family/friends’ life events. (FYI: I didn’t appreciate the sebaceous cyst).
Why didn’t I keep my children’s deciduous teeth to show to the world? In fact, I clearly missed a trick with their placentas and youngest child’s appendix.
Look at funny stuff and videos. Respond to requests to like pages. Sift through friend requests from people I’ve never heard of. Ignore requests to play games and resist temptation to discover ideal soul-mate, colour, flower, or even what my name really means.
Horror of horrors! Discover friend’s account has been hacked and mine is displaying porn. Oh calamity. Think I’ve removed it. Another friend contacts me to ask if I realise I have pornography on my wall? OMG it’s still there. Panic. Shout for Mr JH to help. Shows me how to delete and report obscene material. Hope I’ve found it all. What if I haven’t? Paranoia sets in. Decide to close account after transferring admin function of books page to him. Look at work-in-progress and add a sentence. After fifteen minutes start to wonder what’s happening on site.
Nonchalantly ask Mr JH for his password so that I can ‘keep an eye on JH Books’. Check page and then have a tiny peek at his wall. Remember not to mention anything I’ve seen or will get rumbled. Close.
One down and one to go. Time for coffee and brioche.
This leads to further notifications and additional followers, whom I then need to thank. Lists of names are pretty boring so I break them up with scenic views which means a trawl though ten years of folders.
Look at the people I’m following to see who’s had the barefaced cheek to un-follow. Once found, reciprocate with a small sense of triumph.
Smile at those who can’t bring themselves to press the follow button but are delusional enough to think I might want an egocentric message and their promo link.
Oh dear, it’s lunchtime; close manuscript.
So if anyone asks about social media, thankfully I can take it or leave it.